Grimey Nails

Digging can be a messy job. Sometimes you barely pick at the soil, one grain at a time and sometimes you find yourself digging harder. On the digging harder days the grime remains in your nails, its difficult to take it out. It sort of assimilates itself into your existence. And soon, you don’t remember what it feels like not having the grime there. There are days when you dig so deep that you chance upon something far below, a little box. Like a dream, you can’t really remember what it is that you have found, just a vague recollection or connection with the box. As you clear the dust off, look beneath its rusty cover, you begin to find your recollections getting lucid. And then it hits you like a tidal wave. You try and come up to breathe but it isn’t easy to fight off and it just pushes you further below. Then eventually over time, you calm down and decide what to do with the box- toss it back into the pit or keep it among the other artifacts you have dug out.

Lessons learnt from an attempt at filmmaking

I had been feeling an urge to create something, to let out certain thoughts and feelings that I tend to keep bottled up inside me. So since I had the time and an idea for a film, I decided to take the plunge and make it. I mean there was nothing to be lost if I made it. At the end of the day I would carry back a sack full of experiences and realize what may have gone wrong and change it the next time I make a film. What I didn’t realize though was that once a film is made, it remains attached to you forever. It becomes a part of your body of work.

Now though this may not necessarily be a bad thing, it depends on how each individual deals with it. I began with feeling major doubts about my film making abilities, am I assertive enough on set, am I articulate enough while explaining to the actors etc. But then I realized I was being too hard on myself. I know where my weaknesses lie and that I need to improve on them but I cant bear to think of giving up on film making because there is always a better place you can get to from where you are.

After clearing those doubts in my head, I began thinking about the scenes that I had shot. The style of shooting, the preparation time I had given myself etc. anyway, here are a few things that I noted and realized that I could have done differently

1. The shots within the house are meant to signify a slow, stagnated life. I thought by keeping the shot absolutely still without any movements, that may increase the monotony and add to the feel. But after watching a few films I feel that maybe slow, rehearsed movements can really give one the same feel as well, without really boring the viewer. As long as the viewer remains engaged in the actions, its fine, the problem arises when he begins to get bored.

2. There were times when I was giving the actor too much leeway. No doubt that he did a brilliant job considering he wasn’t really an actor, but there were moments when I thought let him improvise, it can be more natural. But looking back, I needed to be more assertive about what I wanted. Because it is my film after all.

3. We had no budget on this film. It was a complete home production. Everything from the actors, to the locations, the props were free. My mother and aunt even recreated the rain!! But even though all that was great, I had to make certain compromises. For one, I didn’t have a professional cameraperson who could help with the lighting. Lighting would have added tremendously to the shots inside the house, it would have set the mood for the film for sure. We didn’t record too many sounds either. We should have worked a little harder on that as well. And considering we were all taking turns using the camera, I think there were times where we would forget to fix focus, check white balance etc. it all adds up when you watch the film later on. Secondly it would have been great to have a good tracking device, it would have enhanced the beginning of the film immensely. (we tried using an office chair, a box with wheels, it didn’t work L)

4. The dream sequence turned out to be quite random. I honestly don’t know what it will look like. I hope that it looks ok, but I think I could have spent more time delving into that part of the film. I also didn’t use the old man in the dream sequence at all. Looking back now, maybe it would have added some more depth to it.

But all said and done, I don’t think I would have been able to do this without the constant support of my crew- my dearest friends and my amazing family. It was heartening to see how much they put into it considering most of them haven’t ever done something like this before.

A few years down the line I may look back at the film, criticize it a lot, find faults etc. but the experience, the memories and the learning’s will remain with me forever. At the end of the day, it was an honest attempt to express something. At least I will remember it for that.