The Dreaded Deed

Its a little unnerving how time creeps up on you sometimes. You go through days, floating through them, not realizing how they pass. Then all of a sudden you are hit by the reality that the time has come to do the thing you were dreading for so long. It may break hearts, long lasting relationships and many other things you have worked so hard to put together but at the end of the day you know that you have to go through with the dreaded deed because its for yourself. For your future and for your happiness.

I wish breaking away was easy but maybe they are not because of the weight of the emotions involved. How do you tell some one without hurting them? Making them understand that this is important to you, for your growth.

It's almost been 2 years since I took up this job and it truly has been an enriching experience. My boss is great. Sometimes the depth of his brilliance makes me wonder if I'll ever even go half as close to what he is.

But after 2 years of doing this, I have begun to feel stagnated, like I'm losing my voice and my ability to create on my own. So many factors have added to this. Bombay city being one of the biggest causes. I hate feeling suffocated, disconnected and yet so directly connected with reality. I miss the smell of fresh air, the lack of man-made sounds, the feeling of being free to do what you want. A large part of who I was has been smothered by the city's comforts and consumeristic ways.

I need to find myself again. I want disorder in my life, the option to take this path as opposed to that. To just break away from the system.

I want to be free and hence I have to do this thing i've been dreading for so long.